The Rules Of The First Date

There's a reason why first dates have been compared to job interviews. In both scenarios,while answering a lo-ooo-ooo-t of questions, you have to put your best foot forward and be the best version of yourself, to stand out and achieve top of the mind awareness. Otherwise, you'll be lost in a sea of other applicants.

To help you nail that date, we shall begin with general guidelines before we narrow down to gender specifics.

1) Be well groomed. No excuses for sloppiness. At the very least - brush your teeth, take a bath/shower, wear deodorant and dress well. If you wear perfume, it shouldn't be overpowering. 

2) Don't go to the cinema for a first date - you'll be engrossed with the movie the whole time, without learning anything about each other. Except if you intend to be whispering and missing out on the movie. In that case, what would be the point of going to the movies in the first place? Find a nice calm place where you can hold a meaningful conversation - avoid somewhere you're likely to run into a lot of people you know, because they'll just keep distracting you. Some clueless ones may even join you and end up ruining your date. If you're in Lagos-Nigeria and unsure where to go, click here.


3) Be upfront and honest - ain't nobody got time for games. Just be yourself and what will be, will be. If the car you come with belongs to someone else or you're living on a friend's couch or you have a baby-mama/daddy, find a way to work it into the conversation. It's better to deal with such matters sooner than later. If things go well, both parties would know what they are signing up for from the very beginning. On the other hand, if they happen to be deal-breakers for the other person, you won't invest more time and energy into something with no future.

4) Put your phone(s) and other gadgets away, and get your head in the date. The only exception to this rule is, if you're trying to hint that the date ain't working for you. If that's the case, send a friend a message to call you with some fake reason why you need to bail quickly :) Otherwise, be part of the conversation. Talk about yourself without revealing too much information, too soon. Stick to the basics and you'll be fine.

5) Avoid controversial topics. It's the first date, you don't need to start arguing about politics or religion etc. If the first date works out, you'll have several other opportunities to find out the person's stand on such matters. If the date doesn't work out, you won't have wasted energy having a heated debate with someone you won't be seeing again. Also, if you  realize that you're more knowledgeable about a certain topic than your date is, offer a teeny bit of insight on the topic without launching into a full blown lecture. Guys, If she says she's not into soccer/football, it's not the end of the world. Don't automatically start trying to convert her into a football fan. That's just booooring *yawn* Girls, if he says he doesn't like dogs, don't flood him with stories and pictures of your puppy, in a bid to convince him that puppies are cute.

6) If you're having a meal together, don't attempt anything new please. A first date is not the time to try octopus or caviar or using chopsticks for the first time. If you're not conversant with the use of a fork and a knife, please use the ever reliable spoon. Meat? Ask for a hot towel (or bowl of water depending on the restaurant) and use your fingers! No forming. If you try to impress with chopsticks and get chilli in your eyes or throw away your meat away while struggling with a fork and a knife...hmm! Don't try to cover up though because, that will be more laughable. Just deal with it and move on. If your date is a cool person, they won't make a bid deal of it too.
Also, be careful with messy stuff like burgers or Shawarma. You don't want to end up with sauce all over your face or vegetables in your teeth. That can make things awkward. Order simple meals that you won't be struggling to eat and struggling to be on fleek at the same time.
One more thing - don't talk with your mouth full. Eww, that's so gross. Take small bites and swallow before speaking.

7) Only pay sincere compliments because, flattery won't get you anywhere. You're just getting to know your date so there's no way you'll sound believable going on and on about how wonderful and perfect for you he/she is.

8) Don't say negative things about previous dates or relationships or anything in general. No one likes to be around a negative person. People who are negative about their family, friends, career etc., usually aren’t very happy people or much fun to be around. Keep those lamentations to yourself otherwise, your date will be correct to assume that you're the key to the problems you're lamenting about.

9) Don't drink too much. That's just irresponsible plus you don't want to saddle your date with the burden of dealing with your drunken self. 

For The Guys -

You finally got the green light, yay! Here's how to go the extra mile in keeping the light green because, if you're not careful, that light will change from green to red with lightning speed.

1) Take the lead without being bossy. Ask  where she wants to go and also suggest places you think might be good for the date then, agree on one ahead of time so she can prepare accordingly (just FYI, it takes a whole village to get a girl ready for a date, so you better cook up some nice compliments) Also make arrangements for how you'll both arrive/depart the venue. 
Bonus - You could bring her a small gift. Nothing major... flowers or chocolates will do

2) Be prepared to pay for the entire cost of the date. If she offers to pay, politely decline. If she insists more than twice, offer to split the bill.

3) Don't brag or show off. We talked about that in The Rules Of Toasting remember? Don't try to impress by going to an overtly expensive restaurant that you wouldn't normally go to. Aside the fact that you may end up going way above budget (Thank goodness for ATM cards or you'd have to drop your shoes or wristwatch and resume kitchen duties), what if the date doesn't go well? Would you be happy to have spent all that money? This is not to say that you shouldn't go to a nice place. Just plan according to your pocket.

4) Towards the end of the date, if you're interested in a second date, steer the conversation in that direction and feel her out. Although, by that time, you should be able to tell if you're both interested in moving forward or not. If she's vague, don't push it - that's her way of letting you down easy. Follow up with a few calls afterwards though, just to be sure.

5) Sequel to #4 above, from her response to the second date matter and her general body language, you'll know if and when to move in for a first kiss. Prepare yourself though because, not every first date ends with that first kiss. Only the great ones do. 

There are actually three options for ending the date - 

A) Handshake - If the date was undeniably dull and you both just want to be polite.

B) A hug - If the date was meh... You know, that middle ground between 'great!' and 'shoot me now!'

C) A kiss - If and only if the date was awesome and you're both into each other, then you should definitely go for the kiss... don't grope come on too strong though, you do not want to ruin the date at the last minute!

PS - After that kiss, call or text her later that same day or at most, the very next day. None of that 3-day nonsense or I'm coming for you!

   

For The Girls - 

You've given the green light and it's time for the first date - 

1) Dress appropriately.  Nope, the little black dress won't help you if you're going kayaking or mountain climbing. Find out where you'll be going and what you'll be doing... then dress accordingly.

2) When the bill for the date comes, make a play for it. Yeah yeah, I know you probably have no intention of paying. Just do it to be polite. If he insists on paying, let him and say thank you (and remember that you owe him nothing!) If he doesn't, pay anyway or offer to split the bill with him.

3) Don't act way too hard to get if you're interested in the guy. Try to strike the medium happy-flirty-but-not-desperate balance.

4) Have vex money on you, enough to cover at least half of the date. Aside from reason #2 above, what if the date doesn't go well? You don't want to get into an awkward conversation about how you can't settle the bill or find your way home on your own (assuming the plan was for him to take care of how you'll get home) after you show no interest in moving forward with him (Yes, some guys are petty enough to refuse paying if you reject them)

5) Decide ahead of time if you want to end the date with a kiss or not and start giving subtle hints. You don't want to have that awkward moment where you have to try evading the kiss or worse still, kiss him just because... hmm! You can't just go around kissing all the frogs in the pond, you know?

PS - Don't assume you're in a relationship just because you went out once and kissed. You'll still need to have 'the talk', which is like a third or fourth date matter (or fifth - depending on how things go). To be safe, don't even assume there'll be a second date unless it's expressly stated. People go on great first dates all the time and simply decide not to have a second date. We are still trying to figure out why... perhaps the guy didn't think the date was that great. They are weird

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xoxo...

Girlfriends