Learn To Say 'NO'

There's nothing wrong with saying no. Personally, I'll rather get a 'no' and be done with it (albeit upset) than getting a false 'yes' or a  'maybe'. It's these false yes or maybe type of situations that can make you want to punch someone in the face. So, if you're one of those people who find it hard to say no, this one is for you. For the ones who can't take no for an answer, I'll be coming for you soon.

Saying no is a way of setting boundaries, which makes it a very important skill to have. Saying it and sticking to it go hand in glove because if that boundary/fence isn’t strong enough, you'll just cave. When you say yes to the things that you don't like, you are actually saying no to the things that you actually like because, you're taking up all the time and space available for the things you like. There’s no more room for the unexpected or ideal opportunity and that's how you end up frustrated and unhappy and blaming GEJ other people for all your problems.

There are people that say yes to everything because they want to fit in and be liked. Some say yes out of guilt or because they think they don't have a choice (you always have a choice) and others just want to prove that they are up for anything and everything. 

Whatever your reason is, you have to learn to say no!

1) Take time to think - Don't let anyone put pressure on you to give an answer immediately, especially if you truly don't want to say yes. Give yourself time, say 24 hours - before making a decision.

Clearly, anything of short notice  may require a sooner or on-the-spot answer and you'll have to think fast and on your feet. I bet you've found that when it comes to some short notice situations - especially in dating - you probably weren't the first option and only considered as a last resort. I recommend a default and resounding NO in those cases... you don't want to be anybody's back-up plan. For other matters however; again, take your time and think it over. If you decide it's not something you want to do, then think about the best way to say no gracefully (except in that dating scenario above hehehe). Don't start giving excuses, you'll appear weak. A simple 'Thank you but, I'm sorry I can't' should suffice. If the person presses on (*side eye* at asoebi sellers), nod along to show you understand and even throw in a few awws and ahhs and say... 'Thanks but I really can't. Maybe next time' (Don't say 'next time' if it's a wedding invitation! Except you're thinking the marriage won't last. Hmmm!) 

2) Don't lie - People are usually able to tell when you're lying (unless you're a seasoned liar which is not a good thing!) so don't bother. If you're the type that would rather lie, just say something about having a lot of things to do. That's not a lie because there's always something to do... even if it's to lie down and sleep. Some people who are bad at taking hints or who refuse to take no for an answer, will actually ask what it is you have lined up to do - Na wa! Just say something like... Sorry, I can't tell you (unless you want to tell) or turn it into a joke and say 'If I tell you, I'll have to kill you' *evil grin*

3) Be polite and firm - You can't expect to be taken seriously when you say no with a small voice while looking at your feet... the person will just put pressure on you and that's how teenage and unwanted pregnancies happen. Use a strong voice, square your shoulders and make eye contact.

4) Cancel things you said yes to that no longer make sense. You may have agreed with your bestie when you were 13 that you'll be each other's maids of honour. Now that you're much older, things have changed and if it's not just possible, say so. Don't be surprised if the so-called bestie doesn't even have you in mind and has picked her current bestie as maid of honour. If she hasn't, good for you but, don't grudgingly fly half-way across the world to do something you'll rather not do, simply because you said you would when you didn't know better. Don't worry, your bestie will get over it. If she doesn't, make new friends! You're probably better off without her because good friends don't put that kind of burden/pressure on their friends.

5) Say no and stick to it - if you cave once, the person will remember it and apply pressure again whenever they want something from you. That's how you'll find yourself always paying for everybody's drinks each time you go out with your friends. If it does happen that you have to change your mind, be very clear that it's a one-time thing. The first time it happens that all your friends forgot their wallets or have no cash on them, it's probably a weird coincidence but the second time, you better stand firm and let them pay their share of the bill... or stick to whatever formula y'all have for such outings.

In order to be truly happy, you have to spend your time doing what matters to you and the way to do that, is to weed out the ones that don't matter. This means discriminating between the things that help you achieve your goals and true happiness and the things that don’t. Learn to say no to the people, situations, and commitments that distract you, or that you simply do not enjoy. Learn to say no - it’s a powerful little word with a huge impact. 

Don't say the girlfriends blog never teaches you anything :) 

xoxo... 

Girlfriends

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