Handling A New Relationship

Alright, I was actually going to finish writing "The Rules Of Relationships" but I went to the movies to see Momentum (nice movie) instead because you know, I have a life outside blogging. So, in the interest of making sure you get your daily post fix - because I know you're addicted to this blog :) which is a good thing - what I'm going to do is, share these "new relationship" tips I came across on webmd.com


Look out for number 1, though everyone seem to be claiming sapiosexuality these days. Hehehe. Are you one of them? #AskingOnBehalfOfSomeone

Enjoy.

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The first flush of a new relationship is phenomenal, but how do you make sure you don’t mess it up, repeat mistakes of the past and get your heart broken?

There are no guarantees when it comes to love, but we’ve spoken to the experts for their tips on getting a relationship off on the right foot and making it long-lasting.


1. It’s not just about looks

Looks are probably what initially attracted you to your new mate, but there’s more to a relationship than dating eye candy. Be honest, you’d be bored going out with a supermodel if they didn’t make you laugh or were really boring!

"Don’t just fall for someone’s looks, they aren’t as important as chemistry", says Barbara Bloomfield, author of the Relate Guide to Finding Love. "Chemistry is about the unconscious fit between two people, make sure there’s humour in the relationship and you can talk about things."


2. The past is another country

Most people have been burned by a past relationship, but don’t let that colour your future. Just because your ex was a 'slime-ball' doesn’t mean your new love interest is too.

"Wipe the slate clean and give your partner a chance, away from your

past experiences!" says leading dating and breakthrough coach Jo Barnett.

"Don’t dwell on the past, or make the mistakes of past relationships," says dating guru James Preece. "You don’t need to let your guard down completely just allow a window for them to see the real you."


3. Look to yourself

If things have gone wrong before, think about what role you played and how you could stop that happening again.

"You need to look at what’s gone on in the past, consider what went wrong in previous relationships and how you may have been responsible and work on that, maybe get some coaching so you can go clean into the next relationship," says relationship coach Juliette Smith.


4. Don’t jump into bed too fast

If you see a couple who can’t seem to keep their hands off each other, they’re probably in a new relationship so the question of sex will probably arise before too long.

"Think about what sex means to you and don’t feel obligated just because you’ve been on three dates and you feel you’d better do it," says Juliette. "Honour your boundaries and only take it to another level when you are ready."

Jo agrees: "Hold off on sex until you really know that person and you feel happy to embark on a relationship."


5. Don’t see them too much

It’s tempting to want to spend all of your free time with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, but our experts warn against overdoing it.

"Take things slowly, don’t go too fast or else it’ll burn out. See each other once a week but keep in touch in between times by phone rather than hiding behind texts," says James.

Jo agrees: "Have regular chats on the phone and don’t play games with each other. Arrange times when you are going to meet up, once in the week and once at the weekend is the minimum if you are getting to know someone. Equally don’t overdo it by making yourself too available!"


6. Have clear expectations

Make sure you are both after the same thing from the relationship.

"Be clear on expectations," says James. "If one person wants a long-term relationship and the other doesn’t it’s going to be a waste of time. At the second date you need to make your expectations clear, but don’t expect someone to commit straight away, it may take a few months, usually once you’ve slept together."

"Be honest and tell each other what you want from a relationship and how he or she may be able to get the best out of you," says Jo.


7. Don’t be too critical

Don’t try to mould your new love interest into your ideal partner. Don’t be overly critical and be accepting of character and personality traits.

"You can’t change people so make sure you are comfortable with the person, rather than the person you’d like them to be, remember everyone has faults," says James.

"Patience is going to help you grow your relationship at a steady pace, nothing is perfect immediately," says Jo.


8. Be yourself

Obviously you want to give a good impression, but don’t put on an act as you need to be yourself from the start.

"There’s a honeymoon period when you are on your best behaviour but don’t pretend, explain how you feel about certain things and be honest," says Juliette.


9. Don’t be too 'needy'

Whether you’re a man or a woman, don’t turn into a 'bunny boiler'. If you come across as too needy it’s going to be a real turn off and scare your potential mate away.

"Being desperate is not a good starting point to find love," says Barbara. "You need to feel good about yourself to start off with or else you could fall [into] the wrong company or scupper the relationship."

Don’t agonise if they don’t text back straight away, or if you can see they’ve seen your Facebook message and haven’t replied.

"Keep your own interests going so that you have something to discuss

when you come back together," says Jo.

10. Trust your instincts

If you think something feels off and you’re not quite sure about your new beau you may be right. Are they overly secretive? Why have you never been to their home?

"Listen to instincts. If you get the feeling they aren’t being honest, talk about it. They could be lying about something or maybe you don’t think they are telling the truth because of your previous experience from past relationships. Learn to distinguish the two," says Juliette.


11. Don’t drop your mates

Caught up in the romance of a new love, it’s easy to forget about your mates as you want to spend all of your waking hours with you-know-who!

Juliette warns: "Don’t abandon good friends and family when you meet someone new. The chemicals in your brain make you go a bit loopy, but remember you have a normal life and if the relationship ends you’ll need them."


12. Find out about your new love

Get to know your new love, ask them questions, talk about their lives and what makes them tick. Everyone likes talking about themselves and it’s very attractive if someone is interested in you.

"Be generous with your affection and compliments, everyone is looking to be loved and adored, a little goes a long way to creating that special

connection," says Jo.

Have fun - that’s what it’s supposed to be about!

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Now you know.

xoxo...
Girlfriends


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