Why Women Are Jealous Of Men

Disclaimer: we insist that these are regular Mushrooms in the picture, though they may remind you of a certain human male body part. We'll only take responsibility for what we post, however you choose to interpret/understand  it is on you. Capisce? Alrighty then. Let's begin...




As it turns out, Men posses mushrooms and Women don't. Dr. Sigmund Freud an Austrian Neurologist(1856 - 1939) decided that because Men pee standing and Women(the classy ones of course) can't don't, along with some other reasons, Women envy Men their mushrooms.

Watch this clip of Joey(FRIENDS TV series) as Freud in a stage play. It sums up the whole concept of mushroom envy by Women quite nicely.

Just in case you didn't catch the lyrics of the song, this is it -

All you want is a dinkle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang!

This clip from The Big Bang Theory also discusses the concept - 

Now why would girls envy the guys their mushrooms? Let's see...

To Tinkle? We all sit to go no.2, what's wrong with sitting to go No.1 too? Some people(must have been Men) thought it was a good idea to provide Women with  a stand-up peeing device but I don't see how practical it is. You'd have to carry it in your purse and take it everywhere along with having to wash and clean it after each use. It also seems like too much hassle to use, what with handling your clothes and underwear while doing your business. If you are going to use it in a restroom, how does it beat the normal way of just sitting? Unless this is intended for peeing on the streets but we already pointed out that the street thing isn't for us classy ladies. So no, we'll pass. We tinkle just fine without mushrooms or the likes. Thank you 

 


To play with? Is that what the guys do with the mushrooms? Interesting! Yeah, we'll stick to sleep-overs and pillow fights.

To simply let hang? Ah, ladies got the better end of this deal. We have a pair of hanging Oranges, Pawpaws or Melons as the case may be. Granted, we have to wait about 11 to 14 years for the first installment and another 3 to 4 years to get full value but the double-delight makes the wait worth the while! Why then would we want tp add mushrooms to the mix? We won't even trade... fruits over mushrooms any day!

Dear Freud, we do not envy the guys their mushrooms nor want any mushrooms. We'll tell you what we do envy them for - The Men don't get to swell to double their normal size to make a pot-roast for 9 months - with the pot-roast playing bring in 'da noise, bring in 'da funk on their bladder the whole time - at the end of which they have to push the 9pound pot-roast through a small opening in their mushrooms! They don't even get the prerequisite 3 to 5 under-the-weather days every month!

...and while we are on the subject, we'll also tell you what Women want -

1) To eat chocolates and ice-cream without getting fat.
2) A fat bank account.
3) A healthy banging bod without having to exercise
4) To run in heels
5) A fully stocked walk-in closet
6) Mirrors everywhere
7) Our pre-preggy bodies after having kids
8) Ageless beauty
9) True love
10) A fabulous wedding day
11) To be understood
12) To stay 21...forever!


That's what we want! 

Right Ladies???


xoxo...
Girlfriends