The Rules Of Match-Making

Are you single and looking to meet someone? Do you have single friends and looking to do some match-making? Get in here... this one's for you!

Just so you know, I'm not about to begin playing Cupid right now. Let's just talk about what it is to be in the match-making party, either as a match-maker or a match-makee (uhmm, is there such a word?) Heaven knows I've found myself in both situations before. Have you? How did you handle either role? Let's discuss, shall we?


FIRST, A FEW ASSUMPTIONS -

1) The match-making gig is done with pure intentions for everyone concerned, not a random /casual hook-up.

2) Both match-makee parties are mature and able to handle the responsibilities that come with being a partner.

3) The match-maker is comfortably partnered or comfortably single himself/herself. Emphasis on "comfortably"

SECOND, THE RULES -

For the Match-Maker;

1) Both parties or at least one party have to be known to you, to a good extent. Otherwise, how do you know they'll be a good-match? Ask some leading questions to ensure both parties are compatible, in terms of what they are looking for in a partner.

2) Be sure both parties are single and ready to mingle. If possible, allow them ask you to match-make them first before you dive in, else they start asking who sent you on that errand. We can be rude in this Country sha :)

3) Tell both parties a little bit of the other party without over-hyping them. Under-sell if possible and allow them discover each other. They'll be pleasantly surprised when the other person exceeds expectations. Way better than having them underwhelmed after all your hype. Yeeesh!

4) Provide pictures of both parties to the other party so their eyes know what to expect. No need setting them up for rude shocks. You'll just kill your match-making integrity as  a good/concerned friend or family.

5) Don't match-make either party with multiple potential partners at the same time. One at a time please to avoid confusion. Thank you. *side eye* @ "multi-taskers".

6) Be prepared to answer questions like "why are you not dating him/her yourself?" Yes, why? It's a valid question, if you - the match-maker - are single.

8) If the introductions are done face to face, do your bit and go away. If done otherwise, clearly let both parties know who is to contact who first. Ideally, the guy should contact the girl first but, now that everything is all about gender equality... oh well.

9) Once you've done the intro, back-off! No interference! Don't ask questions, don't follow up, don't drop marriage hints. Just leave them be! It's no longer your business and be sure to let both parties know this. Have a disclaimer if you must. If it works, they'll send you a wedding invitation and might even mention you in the wedding program or toast. If it doesn't work, you'll find out soon enough and when you do, don't pick sides since you were not in the picture.

For the Match-Makee;

1) If you're the guy and the match-making isn't done face to face, get the chic's number and make the first move. Call the babe without any delays. What are you waiting for? Don't start with SMS or social media, uh uh! A lot of messages are misconstrued over text/chat mainly because the intended tone and mannerisms go undetected. That's how something you may mean as a joke can be picked up as an insult by the other person. Pick up the phone, call, introduce yourself properly and start-off on the right note before you transfer to text/chat if you both desire.

2) Please try to make a good first impression. Pay compliments without making sexual innuendos. Guys, why will you begin a conversation by telling a girl you can't wait to kiss those sexy lips or put your hands on her waist? Didn't you learn anything from The Rules Of Toasting? We also covered the aspect of sending nude photos right there, please adhere. It actually applies to both girls and guys but it appears the males are more likely to do this than the females...including requesting nude photos. Ha! 

3) Don't begin by asking the other party what's wrong with him/her or why he/she's not married yet. I could ask you the same question and we'll see how that makes you feel. Just get to know each other first and take it from there...

4) No forming. You were informed ahead of time about the match-making and you agreed to it. What's with the shakara again? *side eye* @ the girls. You've given up your forming rights (which is not necessarily a bad thing #JustSaying). If the other person didn't call at a good time, politely let him/her know that and tell him/her when to call back. You could also offer to call him/her yourself when it's convenient and make sure you do so ASAP complete with appropriate apologies.

5) If both parties reside in different cities, be clear on how you want to handle the distance and the mode of communication that can work for both parties long term. Find a way to meet as soon as possible before you get in over your head. You do not want to grow too close from a distance, only to meet and discover the other person has body or mouth odour that you can't handle. Hmm! There's only so much you can cover over a distance.

6) If the match-making goes well and hopefully leads to marriage or whatever goal y'all have in mind, don't forget the match-maker. If it goes awry, don't blame the match-maker either. Convenient for the match-maker right? That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Be prepared to give credit if the going is good, but to be accountable if it isn't. You're an adult after-all.

7) Do your due diligence. Don't just relax because you were introduced to the other party by a friend/family. Uh uh! Ask questions, find out about his family, friends, what he does for a living, where he lives etc. Click here for a comprehensive list of questions to ask. You're welcome!

Bonus - If you don't like the other party, be open and honest about it early on, so they can move on. Don't play all those Cat and Mouse games... 2016 is almost here and ain't nobody got time for that. If you're at the receiving end of the rejection, it's not the end of the world.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Sooner or later, 'the one' will come along - hopefully sooner than later.

PS - If you happen to meet someone else, while you're still in touch with the other party of the match-making, make a decision quickly and be sure to let the negatively affected party know about it from you first. He/she shouldn't have to find out about it through your wedding photos on social media. Yikes! If you do that, just... just... shame on you and good-luck in your next life as a dung-beetle! :)


xoxo...
Girlfriends.